A wise philosopher once said, “Some things never change.” You’re probably thinking that was Plato or Aristotle or Hegel or Homer Simpson. No. It was my wife, and she doesn’t even have a degree in philosophy. Some things never change, she said, while she was wandering around the house, picking up after our oldest daughter, …
Over the past few months, I’ve given about four gifts … and not gotten one thank-you note. OK, so maybe I’m thin-skinned, maybe I want more recognition than I deserve, maybe I need a blast of trumpets when I do something. Or maybe, I hesitate to say this, the gifts just weren’t good enough. On …
Through a series of peculiar events, I was volunteered to reach out to my former classmates for our high school reunion. I would have had more success knocking on their doors, selling Amway or a premium cable TV service … if I could find their doors. Many of them had moved or didn’t answer the …
I had a horrifying experience last week. I went back to the future … or the past … or wherever I went. Actually, I went to my high school reunion, and they made us wear our yearbook photos on our lapels, which is pretty embarrassing for a guy like me who had a full head …
When you live with someone for a long time, you adopt their bad habits … because if you don’t, you’ll end up with a divorce or coronary. It’s a form of compromise. You tell yourself, “I don’t like that, but I can’t change it, so I’ll do it, too!” For example, my wife used to …
Think about this. You meet a friend on the street, or maybe an enemy, or possibly an ex-husband or ex-wife. It could be your gastroenterologist, your pastor, your lawyer, your banker, your baker or your barber. “How’s it going?” you ask. That’s a simple question to which there are several possible responses: “OK,” “So-so,” “Fair …
You’ve heard of the city that never sleeps? Well, I live in the house that never sleeps. Never. We’re like a cellblock of insomniacs. You see, insomnia is as contagious as pink eye at a daycare center and mono in a college dormitory. It has caused many husbands and wives to get separate beds, ear …
Experts say that in years to come, everyone will have four or five careers … and each one will pay less than the last one. I recently met a woman who seemed to confirm this prediction. She had been a real estate broker, a PR guru, a chef, a dancer and now she was going …
To my thinking, there’s nothing more rewarding in life than free junk. You know, the stuff sitting by the side of the road or at the dump, just waiting to be picked up and taken home to share with your family members. You come upon it suddenly and unexpectedly, driving down a street in a …
Lawlessness is spreading through the suburbs. Landscapers and homeowners in our troubled land are wielding leaf blowers like weapons of minor destruction, sending grass clippings and debris onto the sidewalks and into the streets. Usually my street. And in three months, these same miscreants will be pushing snow from their driveways into the path of …